I feel foolish whenever I start to fall for someone I don’t really know. We’ll have some points of commonality. We’ll like the same things or find it easy to talk to each other. We’re not dating or doing anything overtly romantic but I start to fall anyway. I know its happening and I don’t want it to stop. Even though I, intellectually, know it will end badly. With me heartbroken and them at least confused.
It’s feels good. And as long as they don’t know of my explicit interest, I can go easy. I don’t need the constant communication I desire in a relationship because they don’t know. They can’t be expected to do something if they don’t know it’s happening.
I anticipate speaking with them. If you’ve ever seen Simon’s Cat roll around in catnip, its like that. Them talking or just commenting is like a release, a total releasing of tension.
And secretly, in my heart of hearts, I hope they are falling too. That, maybe they will break the tension first. And we can begin in earnest.
I often desire what I cannot have. It is a real problem. Perhaps this is another manifestation of that, but would I change it so that I don’t fall so easily? I don’t think so.