Seeing the grain, the stalk and the field

I wonder what people think when I ask or say something. Often, especially from women their response tells me that they are answering something other than what I asked. Let me provide a for instance.

I provided some entertainment. Entertainment that they said they enjoyed. Well and good. I asked, if you enjoyed what I provided, would you do a little thing for me? I will understand if you say no.

The response I received was a critique of the entertainment I provided. How I would need to do better to receive a reward. She also included a appeal to authority, with herself as the authority. Not a simple no. Nor had we negotiated a dominance scene. I can take this a few ways.

One: I can question in confusion, that since it was stated that the entertainment was enjoyable why now lash out as if it was not? Because I asked for something in return?

Two: I could be affronted and actively lash out. But that’s not really my style. Though I am affronted.

Three: I could fawn all over myself trying to please her. Except I’m not a submissive and more importantly this wasn’t a negotiated scene. I did not consent to this. I will not play under those conditions.

Four: I can do what I did, which is see through the manipulation and decline to play further with a bad actor.

I know I’m emotional, seen often as sweet, and have no college degree. I point out the degree because she mentioned her 2 degrees. Perhaps that leads people to the conclusion that I am somehow less. Less intelligent, less perceptive, more prone to manipulation.

I don’t have a degree because regurgitating facts bores me. Because learning by rote is not my strength nor my desire. I’m seen as sweet because I genuinely like and care for the people I choose to associate with. It is not weakness. And emotional, well that is true but I see with my heart, my head and my intuition. I often just choose my heart.

It does floor me that someone who seemingly knows me would so underestimate me. I dislike being this angry about it but what can I say, I’m emotional.

3 thoughts on “Seeing the grain, the stalk and the field

  1. This is so not ok, I’m sorry you were treated that way. There’s nothing wrong with you, don’t ever let someone put down who you are as a person. Stand strong. There are plenty who appreciate sweet and emotional. Plenty of intelligent people don’t have degrees. That is very petty, degrading and a low blow. Again, I am so sorry that happened to you. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It angered me more than anything else. It came out of left field from someone who I thought had at least some affection for me. So it’s disappointing, but better that I learn who they are now than when I’m vulnerable.
      Thank you for your words. I appreciate them. And I’ll always accept a hug.


  2. Pingback: Seeing the Grain, the Stalk and the Field – By Pelgris | Mistress Valiant

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