Seeing the grain, the stalk and the field

I wonder what people think when I ask or say something. Often, especially from women their response tells me that they are answering something other than what I asked. Let me provide a for instance.

I provided some entertainment. Entertainment that they said they enjoyed. Well and good. I asked, if you enjoyed what I provided, would you do a little thing for me? I will understand if you say no.

The response I received was a critique of the entertainment I provided. How I would need to do better to receive a reward. She also included a appeal to authority, with herself as the authority. Not a simple no. Nor had we negotiated a dominance scene. I can take this a few ways.

One: I can question in confusion, that since it was stated that the entertainment was enjoyable why now lash out as if it was not? Because I asked for something in return?

Two: I could be affronted and actively lash out. But that’s not really my style. Though I am affronted.

Three: I could fawn all over myself trying to please her. Except I’m not a submissive and more importantly this wasn’t a negotiated scene. I did not consent to this. I will not play under those conditions.

Four: I can do what I did, which is see through the manipulation and decline to play further with a bad actor.

I know I’m emotional, seen often as sweet, and have no college degree. I point out the degree because she mentioned her 2 degrees. Perhaps that leads people to the conclusion that I am somehow less. Less intelligent, less perceptive, more prone to manipulation.

I don’t have a degree because regurgitating facts bores me. Because learning by rote is not my strength nor my desire. I’m seen as sweet because I genuinely like and care for the people I choose to associate with. It is not weakness. And emotional, well that is true but I see with my heart, my head and my intuition. I often just choose my heart.

It does floor me that someone who seemingly knows me would so underestimate me. I dislike being this angry about it but what can I say, I’m emotional.

3 thoughts on “Seeing the grain, the stalk and the field

  1. Mistress Valiant June 8, 2016 / 5:57 pm

    This is so not ok, I’m sorry you were treated that way. There’s nothing wrong with you, don’t ever let someone put down who you are as a person. Stand strong. There are plenty who appreciate sweet and emotional. Plenty of intelligent people don’t have degrees. That is very petty, degrading and a low blow. Again, I am so sorry that happened to you. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Pelgris June 8, 2016 / 6:06 pm

      It angered me more than anything else. It came out of left field from someone who I thought had at least some affection for me. So it’s disappointing, but better that I learn who they are now than when I’m vulnerable.
      Thank you for your words. I appreciate them. And I’ll always accept a hug.


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