Pelgris

So,  I just took a traipse through several blogs that were talking about consent in BDSM. I frankly found the content there frightening. Not just in what is considered consent: Outside of edge play, which not all are suited to despite their desires, the Dominant should not lose control. As the dominant, you should not allow yourself to be so taken in by whatever activity you are engaged in, that you edge into non-consent.  There is a difference between play fear and real fear, and if you see real fear, then you need to call yellow yourself.  You need to check, that consent is still given.  You cannot just assume that once given it is given for the scene entire.  Consent is not one and done.  It is a continual affirmation that they are good to go.  For some dominants,  that is not what they want to hear.  They want to hurt, to cause pain,  and the thin veneer of initial consent is enough to get them to act.  That is Sadism.  Which itself is fine,  within the strict limits of control.  If you yourself, are unable to maintain that control then it may help to have a 3rd party present.  To ref the action.  If you so lose yourself, that you cannot determine consent from non-consent then that is a problem.  Not insurmountable,  but measures should be taken.  Safe, Sane, and Consensual.  It is not just a catchphrase. I take safety and Consent very seriously.  And I check to see that my actions at least are sane.  You cannot be engaged in dangerous play of any kind without rules.  That is in play as much for BDSM as it is for knife fighting, or blood play, or underground fighting. Rules are made and enforced to keep us all safe.  And keep a nurse or doctor on hand if possible, I’m not saying that non-consent cannot be roleplayed.  I’m saying that as the dominant, you do not get a free ride to do whatever the hell you want.  you must be aware at all times. I know a few who are dipping their toes into the life. And I am genuinely afraid for them, the wrong top or master and it could ruin the experience.    I have been called too safe. Too in control. Perhaps.  But I have seen the results of the other way.