No kiss
no touch
no look
longing for one minute of intimacy
None of it is worth a damn
Without the minutes
the hours
the days
Of honesty
Of connection
Of smiles seen and unseen
Without
Antici…….
……..
……..
Pation
intimacy
Emotional intimacy
In a very immediate way, physical intimacy is an outgrowth of emotional intimacy. I know that is backwards of how it usually works. And there was a time when I tried to embrace that. But it never really clicked for me.
It’s a high then a crash to nothing. Fun in the moment, but we(writers/poets) don’t live in the moment. We live in the vastness of our minds. Exploring our lives and emotions. Coming to the surface to give this found secret to the world.
If I am emotionally connected, then there is a moment in my lovers eyes, an echo of that discovery, of that perfect moment of vulnerability and hope that takes me beyond the shores of physical pleasure. To a place of the mind. Taking them with me into my heart.
Maybe that is scary. To think that way. Or be thought of that way. Fear, this kind of fear, has always been an indication that I am doing something right.
Afraid , emotional and vulnerable. Thinks too much, cares too much. Broken and mending. Practiced and fumbling.
I am all of these things. But, if I love you, it will always be so. And though we may be parted, I will always carry you, my love for you, in my heart.
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Intimate vs Friend relationships
I get hurt so badly from relationships because of a realization. The realization that the only way to allow for a potential beyond friends is to throw the doors open wide and allow them in from the word go. So, someone I’m interested in romantically, effectively holds a dagger to my heart. They cut the line, as it were, and get all of me. Which means when it goes south they do significant damage. I compartmentalize so I may seem fine but my inner world is trashed, chaotic and emotions can sweep through like a tsunami.
Friends, friends is different. That is a slow process as I come to know them and what aspects of my life and personality that I can safely share. So when someone I’m interested in romantically says let’s be friends and see where it goes, I can nearly instantly know it’s not going to work out. I can’t think of anyone who may be interested in a romantic relationship deferring that relationship for possibly years.
For many people, friendship is casual. Not for me. What most consider friends, I consider to be Associated. And associated at the lowest level at that. Most people who I like but don’t interact with often fall into this category. There are few who make their way past that point. But those that do become very important. I trust them. And by and large, I don’t trust anyone, not fully.
So, there you have it. If you want to be my friend, settle in. Be yourself. But know, it may never happen. If you want to get into a intimate relationship with me, sometime before several years have past, don’t take the “let’s be friends and see what happens” path. It won’t go like you think.
Pelgris 