Tie off my arm

She’s my addiction
My obsession
Completely fucked up
Our friendship
Is about fear of breaking my heart
That she breaks every time she comes and leaves
She’s my drug
I get clean and I’m fine
Don’t think about what’s happening
Then she slips me a text and I’m super skeptical
But this time she stays
And my broken desire
Untethered because I’m on hold
Waiting for someone who may never be available
I fall back into this pattern
But I’ve built up scar tissue
Or that’s what I tell myself
But she’ll break my heart again
Because that’s who she is right now
Will she change?
I don’t know
How many more times can she hook me
Feed me
Then watch me fall
Though I’m no innocent in this
I allow this
Because I just can’t stop
Because I’m an idiot
Because I love her
And my heart doesn’t fade when things end
It’s just that
She’s the only one who batters past my paper thin walls
To scoop up my heart
To weigh it
Not quite ripe
Not quite bruised enough
She’s the only one who makes that effort

She’s my drug
My passion turned obsession
Say friends but under each other’s skins
We never touch

Like split selves drowning in her here
While another me holds vigil for all that I want
Waiting beyond the horizon
Just out of reach