The endless grey

I want to write something epic that grabs you by the heart and only let’s go once you are bleeding.
But I’m too empty now.
Too tired from working long hours
From still being at work 12 hours after I started.
Instead, I’m taking a beat to write this.
To decry and lament being unable to reach that aspirational dream of you, my dear readers reacting with the emotions that overwhelm me
But which instead lay dead like a caricature of a fish
Painting the page in reek
What is it to yearn to connect but only to find empty?
How do I after years of pouring out my lifeblood find I have so little left?
Is it burnout or just being burned?
Wondering if I’ll be able to steal some time before I sleep and it all starts again?
I’m trapped in this mess of a life
Some things cherished
Some things bad
And most just blah
Trapped by my own desires
By my own hand
What way could anyone see, when the path is empty, all
Destinations equidistant

9 thoughts on “The endless grey

  1. naughty nora June 15, 2021 / 9:26 am

    Oh, Pelgris… sending lots of warm, caring thoughts your way. You sound very burnt out, my friend. Is there any hope of a vacation in your future?

    Liked by 1 person

      • naughty nora June 15, 2021 / 9:29 am

        Well, I hope that you can at least get some downtime, to rest and rejuvenate. It sounds like the world is feeling rather bleak at the moment…

        Liked by 1 person

        • Pelgris June 15, 2021 / 9:34 am

          At the end of the day, everything will still be there waiting for me. I’ll try to get more sleep. Maybe read more. But all and all, I think I’m stuck

          Liked by 1 person

          • naughty nora June 15, 2021 / 9:36 am

            Feeling stuck is not a great feeling. I hope you are able to read something that really takes you away, and maybe gives you a little hope ❤

            Liked by 1 person

            • Pelgris June 15, 2021 / 9:38 am

              Not to be too bleak, but I gave up on hope a long time ago. Now I just try to be.

              Liked by 1 person

              • naughty nora June 15, 2021 / 9:41 am

                Smiles at you. Well, I will be hoping for you then, my friend…that you find something that brings fulfillment, peace, and maybe a bit of joy ❤

                Liked by 1 person

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