Pelgris

So I guess what I want to talk about today is being out and what that means to me and how that effects the people in my life.

So out. It means alot of things to alot of people. Sometimes it means out of the closet. Meaning you have told at least one person how your sexual orientation differs from the majority. And I term it that way because it’s not as simple as saying “I’m here, I’m queer, Deal with it.” Because people are involved and that makes it complicated. Maybe your not ready to be that far out of the closet. Maybe forcing people to confront their own bias through you is scary. And shit. Its scary.

I first came out to a couple of friends who I mostly thought would be cool. When that went ok, I came out to more friends. Then to my older sister. Then to my cousins.

But I haven’t told my parents or any of my aunts or uncles. I’m not hiding it. But I’m not forcing a confrontation either. Because I know that once I do, everything will likely change. And while I’m not fearful of that, I’m also not emotionally ready to lose them.

So, I don’t confront them with it. But I also dont live my life any quieter.

And really, while still being dangerous and emotionally fraught, at least that is a coming out that people understand.

But there’s another side to my coming out. Some years ago, I decided to come out as a BDSM practitioner. For me its more than just play. For me, its a part of who I am. And I feel like hiding who I am does more damage than I’m willing to accept. So, I came out as a Switch at first, to friends and was widely accepted. And I found that the more open I was, the more people responded. And the more I saw that we all hide these “shameful” desires.

And while I don’t flaunt it, or confront my family with it, I don’t hide it either. Sharing things on social media under my name and not really caring.

I have made 2 concessions to living out loud as I term it. Concessions I made for the person I’m in a relationship with to make them more comfortable.
One, I restricted my Facebook to friends only.
Two, I changed my Facebook flag from the BDSM leather flag to a more goth picture. Because I suppose goth is more acceptable than BDSM. Though you’d have to do an image search and really want to know for that one.

Out. Its not just a one and done. In a very real sense you are always coming out. As your circle widens and your comfort level increases.

I will say that if your living situation is based on the largess of someone you are afraid to come out to… Don’t. Don’t force them into a confrontation until you are safe. Until you have a fallback plan. Be free but be safe.

I am Pelgris. I am beautiful magic. I am pansexual. I am Sir.