Not all branches that blossom bear fruit

I was thinking that the thing I miss most about K was that when I was with her, I slept. Every night, I slept as soon as my head hit the pillow to the time I had to wake. And wake I did. Before the time of my alarm. Which I stopped setting. Because waking up meant seeing her. She factored hugely into whether I’d call in sick or take a vacation day. Hint: I mostly did neither unless I was on death’s door.
And yes, the sleep thing is the largest piece. The one with the most impact on my day to day well being.

But…
It’s not what I miss most. Not really. Not sleeping is a lifestyle I am well acquainted with. No. What I miss is the casual flirting we engaged in that was anything but casual. The smiles and knowing looks. Her laugh.
Her, basically, all of her.

And it can’t be the same. After. I wish it could be. It might be. I don’t know. I just know that casual flirting is never really casual with me, so the road back to that…I don’t know how to chart that course.

It wasn’t an acrimonious ending, so it’s not like I’m trying for something she doesn’t want. Casually flirty is ok. I checked how she wanted to proceed. Because of course I did(a good friend of mine would say it’s the Dominant in me. That I have to explain, check, then explain again. My friends right, in that it’s my nature.(double explain, lol))

My heads not in a poetry place right now. And that’s ok. Lots of thinking to do. And wondering about what was and what might be? Well, I’d say they are right in my wheelhouse.

One thought on “Not all branches that blossom bear fruit

  1. naughtynora March 27, 2019 / 6:22 am

    I can relate to what you mean about “those knowing looks”… that intimacy between two partners who have been through life together…how much can be said in just a glance. Thank you for sharing this, Pelgris. My marriage was on the rocks for quite awhile. We have fought our way back to a good place, maybe an even better place than before, but for while….I spent a lot of time thinking about things like this and realized how much I took for granted. Like, just being able to sleep next to him.

    Liked by 1 person

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