Pelgris

Every day, several times a day, I walk past my cat Sammy and I say, “I love you buddy, I love you Sammy.” And I mean it and I say it all the time.

But

Until I walk over and pet him. Until I spend time with him it’s not real to him.

I can’t help but feel like this is the same for the people I’ve met and fallen in love with long distance. That my words are nice but are ultimately ephemeral nothings despite how I feel. Despite the emotional impact I’ve been told that they have.

I feel like, until we meet and touch, that the reality of each other will always be at that distant remove of maybe but not real.
I wish I could say that I don’t feel that remove. But I do. As fear that actually meeting me will drive you away. It’s, perhaps irrational but fears are like that.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m trying to say. Maybe just that somewhere distant, where our hearts and minds were captured, perhaps we each wait for the possible

Or maybe I’m just a hopeless dreamer