Sex can make you feel wanted, make you feel desired. It can bring pleasure and pain. It can make you feel something when you are consumed by nothingness.
But it’s empty. If they are gone in the morning. If there is no connection beyond the physical. If physical compatibility is all you have, then you really have nothing.
There has to be more. I know, from a cismale that’s blasphemy. Believe me, that standard fucks with our brains more than you know. The thought that sex is supposed to be the goal. It’s really unhealthy and it’s pervasive. And it’s false.
I have never felt so empty than after a ‘fun’ and meaningless hookup. Doesn’t matter if it was vanilla or something more. Empty. If it was BDSM, at least there’s aftercare. But it’s not enough.
I want breakfast and discussions. And shared time and laughter. Sex should draw us together. Make us more connected. Not obliterate connection.
My days of pointless wandering are over. I was only ever trying to fill the empty well of her passing. And, as I wake now, seemingly too late. I realize all that drowning in physical pleasure was just a mask for the deep pain of loss.
I seek better. I hope for better. But I fear that I have been lost for too long. That those who would accept me, are no longer available to me. They’ve found their lives and loves. Or stand broken, and unwilling to take a chance on someone who was broken too.
Pelgris 
True that.
I loved each and every thought of yours on sex. Be it vanilla or bdsm there should be love. And just being physical with someone is not love.
I can’t really attract girls if they are not intelligent. I can think about sex when I feel intelligence in a girl.
I can’t go for just looks and outer beauty. I want things which are consumed with knowledge.
LikeLiked by 1 person
One night thing just make me feel bad…so I get what you’re saying. I’m happy single. But I understand what you’re looking for is hard to find. I wish you luck
LikeLiked by 1 person
I thank you for the luck. Question though? You are happy single but one night thing makes you feel bad. So how does that work then?
LikeLike
i feel bad because they are weird for me. I don’t open up easy, so with a stranger I don’t enjoy it. but I still don’t want a relationship that’s full on. a regular fuck buddy is fine for me
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah, I am enlightened(yes, I talk like that). I’ve always found that fuck buddies always lead to hurt. Because on one side or the other real feelings begin to develop. And when those feelings aren’t returned (just fuck buddies), it crashes the relationship. But, if it works for you, then more power to you.
LikeLike
yeah its how you treat it. make sure the rules are there from the off…don’t break them
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe I’m just not good at not developing feelings. Or in one notable instance, because of my writing and stuff, she decided that she’d rather persue love than maintain fuck buddy with me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
that’s difficult when your not on the same page so to speak
LikeLiked by 1 person
We were on the same page, then we weren’t. But it was years ago. I just found it interesting because it was the last one. If my words could convince someone to take a chance on love, even if it wasn’t with me; must I not then be true to the sentiment that inspired the words and myself persue the same love. Admittedly, it’s mostly lead to heart ripping heart ache. But I’m a poet, it’s sort of meat for the beast. ☺️
LikeLiked by 1 person
you seem like a sensitive soul x
LikeLiked by 1 person
I suppose I can be. I see the world through an emotional lense. I can be practical too, sometimes too practical, but I’m trying to be less that guy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I never had a one night stand, but I don’t condemn anyone if they did. I would think it can serve a purpose, just like a short hook up can, but I am with you, the longer connections are the ones worthwhile.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve always found them empty. Found myself empty after and I dislike that feeling
LikeLiked by 1 person