A thing of silences

I must let her slip away
My dream who woke me
Who wanted me
Who craved me

Testing my desire to stay with her desire to break free
Testing my resolve with her silence

Teasing me forward with hints of answers but instead few syllables met with incredulity when questioned.

Can you gaslight yourself by questioning what you’ve done to push away perfection

Because she’s not talking
Rationing her words like the last drops of water in the sun, hot enough to cook with, more than enough to burn

But you need her words, just a few to hold you over, a junky accepting methadone after the heady days of heroin

Am I cold turkey
Or in another silence brought on by past actions, explained and payed for a hundred times over
Made to pay again by your silence

Accepted but rejected when the truth of who I was is revealed, the catalyst to who I became. A man you said…but wait…

Said Loving you, but not I love you, somehow almost but not quite and I accepted this partial as the whole
So broken to pieces and wanting you to piece me together that I took in “loving you” like the first blush of autumn and was reborn in a statement I may have read wrong because silence can’t clarify or won’t

Bereft of finality and hoping for epiphany, not mine but yours to wake And see but only dreamers still, boldly dancing but all in bespelled silence

Denied a yes or a no or I’m thinking or let’s talk about it or you are wrong or I never meant I love you or how could I ever want you or this was a fun game to play with a heart so open or goodbye

Just wrapped in a cacophony of silence
Lost in the world without words
Without hope
Without dreams

Lost

Waiting for the silence

To break

2 thoughts on “A thing of silences

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