Working

I don’t know how to just be friends with you without caring way more than I should about your happiness and well-being. I would like to be your friend but I don’t see how it’s possible. Not without feeling torn apart all the time. I know you don’t want me. I can’t pretend that I don’t want you. I think that puts us at an impasse . You probably don’t want to hear any of this. I can’t keep quiet. It is not who I am. I feel a profound, constant connection to you. And little by little I fell in love with the woman you are becoming. I think you sometimes use me to make yourself feel better. You know how I feel and maybe it seems to do no harm, but it hurts me. Because, unless your feelings have changed, I know you are just playing with me. I can’t. I won’t play the game. There’s this thought in my head that if I can ride this out we’ll be amazing. But you started this game right when I was at my lowest. Right in the week prior to the Anniversary of Morgan’s death. And when I fell back, like a moth to a flame, when you knew you had me, you stopped talking to me. This game is over. I can’t play it. Not with someone who would use Morgan against me like that.

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