Am I seeing things where nothing exists? Am I reading things that aren’t there? Am I being a fool again? Seeing words that are general and seeing them as directed. I must be mistaken. Not that I want to be but I don’t dare believe it to be true. It must be delusion, mustn’t it? I wish I could stand in front of you and just ask. But that never ends well.

When you ask questions you usually get answers. Maybe not the ones you want, but…still there is a sense of relief from the pain of uncertainty.
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True. I think I am just weighing the benefits of knowing vs the consequences of asking. If I could know without the fallout then I would ask. But the potential loss of what is does not yet outweigh the potential of what may be. If that makes sense.
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Yes, I do understand. It’s like playing blackjack. You have to know when to stay with the hand you are dealt and not push it and lose everything.
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Pretty much. I’ve already pushed twice this year. One ended in a perfectly understandable way, the other I still don’t fully understand what happened. I’m still licking my wounds. I’m not sure if I can handle any new ones, especially right now.
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Be good to yourself, Pelgris and give your heart and mind a rest.
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