It’s not me, it’s me.

I’d find love if I could, but it eludes me, a fox before the hound, I lost my hunting party or they look but don’t understand what I’m searching for. So I look for someone who’ll submit but doing so recalls memories of people I’ve loved who fulfilled the role and lived in my heart. And I’m forced to ask if a little play, which given my nature can’t be for long, is enough.

Or am I overreaching? Looking for a future when I don’t have a now. And I say it’s simple to find sex for a night or a week because it’s always been so. Turn on the knowing smile and the eyes that hint of darkness and experience, don’t go looking and just enjoy the night. It’s inevitable but on waking, that was fun but empty. And I’ll have my day and you’ll have yours. We’ll be a fond memory and a little smile but soon lost to the weight of hours and days.

Those encounters never lead to much else maybe a month of fun until you’re fed up with me typing away or reading instead of the whirl of dance and drink when we met. I keep looking for more, looking for the person(s) who’ll make me smile, make me better, make me more.

It’s easy to say be enough on your own but I’ve been down that road and while I’m great, I want to break up with being alone. I just want to see other people.

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