An end

I find it hard to write right now
I feel weighed down
Like I’m walking under water
Though it may be that a karmic debt is paid
I once ended a relationship by cutting off communication
I was selfish and capricious
And about a year later I realized how horrible I had been.
I Have thought about and regretted it multiple times a week since then
So to have that happen to me feels a bit like karma.
But it doesn’t change anything, I still regret my inaction.
And the emptiness I feel is like a Phantom limb. You know it’s not there, but you can still feel it.
I guess thats where the metaphor breaks down. Because I still want to hear from you. Still want there to be something there when you clearly feel it’s not.
Still want to contact you.
I’m trying to be mature and let go
But I just want to make some grand gesture like show up at your work with a bouquet of flowers dyed teal and try and sweep you off your feet.
But I won’t because if you truly don’t want me then, I don’t want to make your work awkward. I don’t want you to be unhappy.
Well at least the emptiness is gone.


Note: the emotions in this were real but based on a fallacy.  I made a fledgling mistake. Given how long it’s been since I’ve had a standard date, I guess I should have anticipated this. This was no fault of the woman I was courting, for want of a better term, this all happened inside my own skull.

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