Hints and traces

I wonder who out in the world feels as I do, just waiting for the spark of conversation. The quiet word or glance that says, “You. I see you. You are who I want.”

I feel like I take those tentative first steps often. And where it leads is mostly to friendship. Generally, because I only meet the people my heart desires after they are taken. And that’s OK. I accept what is.

But I want more. Want it all. Even if it is as the 3rd in a poly (not open) relationship. I wonder the path to that. To that extra step.

Why am I the friend and not the lover. Oddly, I almost think it’s because I am emotionally supportive. Maybe. Because why risk losing that on a relationship that might not work out. But, to my mind, why not risk gaining that in a partner.

I’m just a bit lost right now.