So it ends.  Poetry month, one poem a day plus normal Monday-Wednesday-Friday posts.  It was difficult, didn’t think I’d make it.  Some of those poems posted late but always on the day.  It’s the hardest writing exercise I’ve done in a long time but worth it.  I had to stretch my ability some.  All to the good.  Hope my readers enjoyed it.  I’m going back to the standard post schedule.  Thanks for reading.  I truly appreciate all the people following the blog.  It makes it so much easier to dedicate time when it’s for someone.

It’s poetry month. I will be posting a poem each day for the entire month of April.  Some won’t be great but I think the exercise should be fun.  Though I will likely need to dip into experiential poems.  My preference is for emotional cores perhaps dressed up as something else.  But that many poems?  Going to need to bend some standards. 

Is there anything so luxurious as water on skin? Exposed to air cold balanced against internal heat, feel the wind across it, every nerve alive, sharp and silent
Poised hung over the pit, a lovers touch enough to send me tumbling, headless, heedless ruled and wrung out by sensation

I’m always depressed the day after a date.  Doesn’t matter how well it goes.  The next day is always bad.  I don’t know what that is about.

Someone teach me to make small talk or talk about myself verbally.  Writing I’m good.  Talking,  I’m an idiot.

I let my mind be taken in by lavish fancy
Lured into darkened grottos and fed faerie wine
Drunken on the hearts dreaming
I sabotage reality

A bright tale of how we could be but never are
My heart beats its painful yearning
Fogged mind wakes long ‘fore the morning

Aftermath in disappearance
‘ I just don’t see you in that way’
Hearts blood upon my lips.

From the seed of dishonor is all honor sown. The one act that betrays all of your principles either breaks you forever or like forge-fire casts you anew. People are not born in the happy times. Not in the happy moments.

We cherish those moments and we think that a lifetime of them is what we want. that may be. But it is not what we need. It is in the chaos, in the heartbreak, in the horror, in the betrayals that we are forged. You heat the metal until it is red hot, you beat it into shape but at then at some point you must quench it. You must be done with all that can be done and it must be quenched in blood.

Sometimes the blade is cracked, flawed and broken . It never recovers. Your only option is to melt it back down and attempt again. Sometimes the flaws are deep in its heart and it just becomes weaker and weaker. Sometimes the blade is serviceable. Most fall into this category. But some, some are stronger than it seemed they could be. From corruption, impurity comes the strongest steel.

a kiss of the lips fills me with sick dread
while the kiss of the lash fills me with anticipation;
the stroke of the skin is so divorced from my reality that it freezes me in place;
while the flick of my wrist bringing down the riders crop on skin
the slap and the vibration of a well placed blow makes me shiver in delight
tie me up, tie you down
This vanilla life is so uncertain
I’m not practiced at it
it makes me feel inept, unsure
All the while other skills are rotting on the vine;
And yet I am afraid of falling into the life again
It feels like a step back, like it served its purpose when I was numb and while I enjoy it occasionally or as dirty talk, I don’t want it as my world. It feels like that world either consumes you or your out of it and I’m not sure where I stand with either; On the one hand, it always excites me, on the other I want love not pain mingled with lust.

I’m dancing on the beach. Beneath a sun drenched sky.
I woke with the dawn and walked the block to the the beach. It’s cool but the day is slowly warming. The sun is rising, it is like a sound rushing over the world. A harmony only I am listening to. But instead of wallowing in the loneliness, I soak in the quiet and the light. I begin to dance. Slowly at first, the morning joggers avoid my path. I begin to hum, then sing, I am exultant in the light. This moment, this moment, this moment. One minute to the next, beautiful.