Pelgris

Having that hard time
Relating to young rhyme
Each year passing
Pushing me past
My sell by date
Not intended to make you feel bad
Just a life lived
Gives perspectives you’ll never have
That empathy gained
From the shard poking through skin
From years when
To touch me was to come away bloody
There is a broken
That hurts so much
That spreading that pain
Is the only thing that brings temporary relief
Until the pain you cause leads to the spiral down
And here I am at the end of a long road
Looking towards the next journey
And just wondering how to leave the pain
Behind
If I even can
Or maybe it’s just this deep hope
That maybe there is a future
Where happiness is present
Rather than at so so distant remove
The briefest hint of orange and chocolate
The phantom of a phantom
One step removed from a memory
Instead, just wandering
How to be lost when all around you are destinations
There’s no bells ringing here
No messages
Just make that decision
And wander into the break
One last attempt at drowning
One last retreat
A kiss made from yearning
Instead of a choice to be better
Words and pain tumble out
And only sleep
Offers refuge