When we feel vulnerable
We lash out at the targets closest to us. The ones in reach who have exposed their vulnerability to us.
It is a terrible and self destructive act that makes us feel powerful. But it hurts another who was reaching out, perhaps imperfectly, but reaching out. Slapping that hand away then denouncing them, then crowing to everyone else how you took this action. And concealing who you did it to, because you know that actions have consequences.
That isn’t strength. That is pain. That is fear. That is cowardice.
Reacting like a wounded animal lashing out at anyone near…
It doesn’t heal the wound. It just pushes the pain on others.
I know. I used to do it. I would turn my mind and tongue into a razorblade and leave people bloody and bleeding from my vitriol. Isolating myself further. Pushing away all who reached out. For a brief few minutes, feeling righteous. Justifying my actions to anyone who would still listen.
Then wondering where everyone went.
Imperfect allies are still allies. Rejecting them, attacking them for the failure to fit into your perfect idea of what an ally is. It’s the embrace of self defeat. The pyrric victory. An act of the wounded pretending to be whole.
Don’t kid yourself. Don’t allow yourself the luxury of self deception.