Half awake fall

I woke up early this morning and found myself reading articles on Medium. As I often do. But today I came across things that led me down the self reflection route.

I haven’t found anything new. Not really. Though I do see a certain lack of certainty. An intellectual understanding of the positions of others which may have been a visceral understanding prior. I think I’m shielding my emotions more.

I feel distant and compartmentalized. Yet I still cry and feel and laugh. Joy and sorrow are a part of my heart and I feel them.

So it’s not like the wall I built before. The house of closed doors where nothing was felt. And it’s not like the tsunamic aftermath of that wall breaking. Nor is it the flayed sadness which permeated after.

This is new. And I’m not sure how I feel about it.

It makes the days and people easier to cope with. But it also makes the words and thoughtforms of art harder to feel. Its like a little magic has gone out of the world to foster stability.

I don’t know what I think about it.

2 thoughts on “Half awake fall

  1. Lil Monkey February 13, 2020 / 9:07 am

    I know this place. This carefully constructed fortress home for the soul. It’s a good place. Once you get comfortable there you will be able to open the windows and doors like valves, in a controlled way to let the inspiration in without the uncontrolled flooding that so damages you. You’ll learn it and refine it and be able to open enough to create but stay protected enough not to be destroyed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Pelgris February 13, 2020 / 9:15 am

      I’m more used to a cycle of creation and destruction. This feels weird. Though I do think of my mind like a palace of doors


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