Realizing times passage

That moment in your otherwise ok life when you look up and remember what’s over the horizon and you are instantly overwhelmed. The past comes round again, no matter how much time passes, it’s always there lurking and ready to ambush you. Tarnishing your thoughts with grief and an impending sense of falling.

Today I wondered why I was feeling sad. I should be happier. Things are going ok. Then I realized, just over a month away is the 13 year anniversary of Morgan’s death.

And like that, I’m adrift.

14 thoughts on “Realizing times passage

  1. wildwestangel August 15, 2018 / 7:47 am

    I find it sweeps over me like an ocean wave and drags me under. Sending you hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Pelgris August 15, 2018 / 7:48 am

      I generally feel that way until the date and after, it’s like I can breathe again

      Liked by 2 people

          • TheFeatheredSleep August 15, 2018 / 11:57 am

            It helps me to know I’m not the only one, although I would never (ever) wish it upon anyone else (especially you) because it can make you feel SO alone (or at least it does me) and so … knowing others stand with you and support without judgement, you, helps. I hope.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Pelgris August 15, 2018 / 12:00 pm

              It does help. It helps to know that there are people who understand. Because if I hear one more person say “everything happens for a reason”, I’m going to scream.

              Like

              • TheFeatheredSleep August 15, 2018 / 12:05 pm

                mmm yes I’m with you there. I don’t agree everything happens for a reason, how can that be true? If it were we are effectively saying there is a reason that is on a higher plain than us, for say, torture, rape, suffering, and other awful things. No I cannot believe that. I truly believe sometimes things happen and there is a higher reason behind them like someone being there at the exact time you need them but most of the time shit happens and it’s shit and it’s awful (or good) and there is no divine plan or prophecy. It’s almost insulting to suggest there is, because then we suggest it’s a pick and choose scenario where some deity says oh yes let’s save them but not them. Right?

                Liked by 1 person

                • Pelgris August 15, 2018 / 12:15 pm

                  Absolutely. My corollary to the statement of everything happens for a reason better not be true because when I find out who designed this world, I’m going to storm the gates and rip their kingdom from the firmament.

                  Like

                  • TheFeatheredSleep August 15, 2018 / 12:38 pm

                    I have a teeny superstition about saying that but I also agree because whilst there are lovely things in this world – so much suffering – I don’t really understand how someone can be optimistic and happy all the time without being in a way, negligent. Does that make sense? I’m not advocating mass suicide but it seems to me anyone with any sense of the world would be quick to lament the terrible things rather than applaud the less common wonderous things. I try to do both I suppose. I believe in being positive but not to the negligence of reason or logic (as with climate change deniers, I mean WHAT THE HOLY FUCK IS THAT?)

                    Liked by 1 person

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