Sometimes depression gets the better of me. Sometimes I’m too much in my head. Sometimes my poetry reveals a thought or a idea that I don’t consciously consider. To me, that is the point. Not just to create something that resonates but something that also forces my mind and thoughts into the light. So that I can begin to work on it.
That thought that I’m not worth loving has been kicking around my brain for 2 years. And only yesterday could I force it far enough to the surface that I can begin to deal with it. Instead of being a secret I hold like it is something precious, now it is revealed for the cancer it is. Now that I cannot deny that I have this thought, now I can’t hide from it. Now it can be fought.
I know this is hard to read. I know that there are people here who care. I thank you for letting me work through my baggage in this public forum. Without this cold light, I think my mind could convince itself it could reclaim the thought. But now, it’s out in the world. And I refuse to be that man. The one who blames instead of solves. I’m sorry if reading it hurt anyone. I hope it didn’t.
So thank you. For being here.