Working through

Sometimes depression gets the better of me. Sometimes I’m too much in my head. Sometimes my poetry reveals a thought or a idea that I don’t consciously consider. To me, that is the point. Not just to create something that resonates but something that also forces my mind and thoughts into the light. So that I can begin to work on it.

That thought that I’m not worth loving has been kicking around my brain for 2 years. And only yesterday could I force it far enough to the surface that I can begin to deal with it. Instead of being a secret I hold like it is something precious, now it is revealed for the cancer it is. Now that I cannot deny that I have this thought, now I can’t hide from it. Now it can be fought.

I know this is hard to read. I know that there are people here who care. I thank you for letting me work through my baggage in this public forum. Without this cold light, I think my mind could convince itself it could reclaim the thought. But now, it’s out in the world. And I refuse to be that man. The one who blames instead of solves. I’m sorry if reading it hurt anyone. I hope it didn’t.

So thank you. For being here.

One thought on “Working through

  1. furcissy April 23, 2017 / 3:09 pm

    Blaming the self is better than blaming others. In many ways it is the gateway to evolving oneself. With that in mind, the final stage does involve healing. I’ve never found a way to do this completely but there are methods that work as they provide enough evidence to silence the demons. It isn’t easy and it is a long process of convincing the self.

    In the meantime it is good to get things out there. There are many people who can relate to those feelings.

    Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

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