Pelgris

Talking to people on without the benefit of face to face contact is difficult for me. Not while. As long as there is back and forth, that’s fine. Not while, after. After, I feel a profound sense of loss or disconnect. Because I want to talk more about the conversation. I want a few more minutes of human connection and, because of how I experience things, an intense desire to hold and be held. To lock the memory into my mind. To celebrate a few minutes of intellectual contact with an hour or two of physical contact. I suppose it’s all a part of what I miss. That desire never goes away. Is never sated. It just shows itself in stark relief against the background of nonphysical relationships. I almost wish the purely nonphysical intellectual and emotional relationships I do have, were enough. That I didn’t need or could suppress the need for the physical. But then, that would hardly be true to myself.