Not happy

So, I’m not sad. That’s great right? But I’m not happy either. Sure there are moments of wonder and joy. Whole hours, sometimes. Hours where I couldn’t conceive of a better world. However, I’m not happy. I’ve known happiness. I’m just not now. So why am I not happy? I suppose it’s because I am alone. And I hate being alone. There are those that swear by being single, that it’s so great, blah blah. Not me. I hate it. I like having someone in my life. I like having to compromise on where we go to dinner or who feeds the cat. I like discussions where we are frustrated and can’t seem to get our point across. I’m a relationship guy. But I also have certain things I’m looking for in a partner. Intelligent, creative, open minded and likes me as much as I like them. It’s a short list. But a difficult one, apparently. These people are all already taken. Or something. But that’s why I’m not happy.

And before anyone jumps on with, you have to be happy with yourself first or some other trite piece of advice, what makes you think I’m not happy with myself? I won’t lie and say I’m perfect but I change, I grow and that’s all we can realistically do. The only finality in this life is in its ending.

2 thoughts on “Not happy

  1. piratepatty May 15, 2016 / 12:10 pm

    You had me all the way to “cat”. lol😜 I understand what you are saying though. I think I like being alone too much. It’s a self protection thing with me. I don’t want to fail at something so important as a relationsip.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Pelgris May 15, 2016 / 12:29 pm

      Cat or other animal, lol. As to failure, I fail all of the time. It’s how we respond to failure that matters. Self protection I understand. Pain is difficult. Emotional pain doubly so. I firmly believe that pain is a part of life. And like all of life, in order to understand it, it must be embraced. This is a paraphrase from a movie but regardless it’s a great line. “If we don’t fall we can never rise.” I wouldn’t choose to not love those that I have. There is pain from each one, but I learned from each. Sometimes what not to do, sometimes what I want and sometimes who I am. And I like time apart but having someone who can share the journey with you? That’s what I’m talking about.

      Liked by 1 person

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