Month: April 2015

Dream

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*A dream I had last week *
Dreamed last night that I was in love with the girl who lived around the corner. We were going out later in the day but she showed up at my house early.
Too early, I hadn’t taken a shower. She said she’d wait. I kissed her. I can still feel her lips on mine. I kissed her again.
We move apart only because breathe demands it. I hop in the shower. She’s still talking but I can’t hear her.
All I can hear is the Death Cab for cutie song with the lyrics “someday you will be loved, you’ll be loved, you’ll be loved like you never have known” then I get out of the shower and she is gone. But I receive a text saying she will be back.

I go for a drive and end up in the nightclub section of my dreamscape. They have a magic show going on by a comedian. I lose my car, can’t find it. It happens when I’m a little nervous.

It seems ridiculously important that it is a Chevy volt. I spend time looking for it but cannot find it. I’m panicking. I’m not going to make the date. Then I remembered where the car is and I wake.

Poem

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Burn amidst coals made cherry
The sweet smell of burnt flesh dancing
Rapturous
Stepped into flames in confidence
Now just wishing the flames seared faster
Nerve endings screaming then going silent
A game played out
Directed by hand to, inevitable, disappointment
Unable to breathe, or speak,
One step from dissolution

Poem

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The pains are growing deeper
Grinding in
Driving down
A miracle trapped in breathing
Tongue growing heavy

Sinuous twisting shadow
Birthing exhausted light

Soft touch, soft words
Vanilla floral
Memories trapped in dreaming

Poem

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the world is full
of tastes
of smells
of sounds
of touch
of gravitic waves
and more senses and more
to deny ourselves sensations
to deny ourselves the painful beauty
out of moderation or some shyness that such action will make us seem less
not to me I say, not to me
revel in life, if you desire it, take a piece of it;
anything else is blasphemy
it makes profane that which is holy
this world may be all we have
live it

Post

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I don’t have anything to say today, Not really. Just a rehash of lonely.    Maybe the problem is I’m waiting for them to choose me as I choose them.  It’s the same song, the same verse, the same lines.  All stretching out before me in infinite lines.  How do I make a decision if I’m not sure it’s the right one? There is no right decision most of the time.  No perfect choice, no perfect path.  Life just is, there’s no secret.  Make the decision that makes you happy.  I choose who I spend time with.  I choose carefully and I choose well, I think. And if I’m more lonely, more bereft of hope afterwards, then that’s on me.  Some pains are worth enduring. Some flames are worth the burns.

Poem

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From behind cold glass
Nature inspires
The turning leaf, the calming wind
Confined, constrained by the city
It’s wild amidst order
The false impression
But freed of the city it bursts forth
Animal and unknown
Night without the city lights
The hum, sturm and drang
Civilization

Off the edge of the map
The subtle cut of living without a net

But then night falls
And all else sleeps
The panic sets in
Get out, Get Out, GET OUT

The cold slips in
Stealing sleep
Darkness and boredom awake
Waiting for dawn
And release.

Poem

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Pains accumulate
Like scars on the heart
Each rip, each tear
Each razor thin cut
Self inflicted
Or arrows from within the comfort zone
Just past bearing

Growing louder in the quiet
Soft whispers too cruel to hear
But they lodge like flint
Brittle they break
Fragments working deeper

Poem

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Note: There was a version of this that was joyous. Sometimes the shadows in the heart, they never go away

Consumed by the silence
Giving way to quiescent heart
Slow beating,
faltering
failing
drowning

Wake me with your dreams
Heart beats louder faster
Roaring
WAKE ME

stir up my blood
Let passion guide
Let honor temper
Let honesty…

All is dust and lies

Poem

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I whisper the words of prayer
To the setting sun,
Joyous that it departs the sky

Night is falling
And I am undone
Unraveling out to the edges
A thousand thousand strands
Pressing against the borders of the flesh
Pressure building until I explode

Expanding out to the infinite stars
I connect to it all
The vastness of space wraps me up
Warmth against the cooling earth

Each being living, feeling
Slow shudder in birth and spinning down
Cells dying and burning in rebirth
Each moment
Each minute
Each second until time is lost

The clarity
The cresting of apogee
The melancholy the moment before the fall