Sex is pleasurable but in American culture it is obsessed over. If you have many partners you are considered a real man. Due to the inherent misogyny of our culture. Or, if a woman, are considered a slut, for the same reason.

Sex is raised up to be the end goal of social interactions and is shamed when that goal is reached. There are idiotic laws about what sex acts are legal, what commercial transactions are legal. We are a culture that on the one hand is hypersexualized and on the other is fanatical in our suppression of that sexuality.

So as an individual it is difficult to traverse those waters. For myself, I see sex as merely one of a great number of pleasurable activities that can be engaged in with one or more partners. It’s not the goal of any relationship I’m in but an expression of that relationship.

To the society at large that would seem to be unmasculine or in some way lacking. If I’m not constantly seeking sex, I’m seen as odd or less than a man. It’s hard for me to understand how important it is. And I question whether it is really sex that is desired or if it is fact a desire for physical contact with another person. Whatever form that may take.

Sex takes the place of more vulnerable contact. With sex we can play a role in the larger societal hangups that the USA has, and in doing so shield ourselves from the harder desires. We find it easier to assume and ask for sex than to ask to be held. To feel safe, cared for, if only for a night. I’m all for pleasure body and mind. But I think we need to examine if it is pleasure we want or if we are lacking in physical touch of any kind. I seem to have lost the thread of my original point.

Bottom line: Slut shaming is bullshit.  And so is being shamed for not constantly wanting sex.  Sex is pleasure.  And can mean any number of things to anyone at any given time.  But if we are honest with each other I think we’d all be better off. 

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