You get used to living with the fears, the heartaches, the regrets. They become such a part of you that you don’t notice them. You’re Drowning. But in such tiny increments that it feels like breathing.
You become numb to it.
I’ve shed most of my fears. But the heartaches, the regrets, keep piling up.
I have never handled rejection, even mild rejection, well. I have emotional armor, sure. But to form any kind of real connection you must allow a way through. I’ve been cut so much in the last six months. I didn’t realize. It felt like breathing.
I can feel the darkness closing in. I can feel the numbness creeping up. Soon, I will face a choice. To fight in the darkness, alone. Or to wall it off.
I have found my fear.