Asshole

I’m an asshole. I know it.
I let my indignation and admittedly large ego, run my tongue and fingers when logically I should keep my mouth shut. I let my emotions run me, when I’m not clamping down so hard on them I go numb. I retreat to those things I perceive as truth and assault everyone around me with them. I accept cultures and things held at a distance and I’m good at seeing nuances and subtleties, as long as it’s at a far enough remove.

The closer someone is the more poisonous I become. Except for those few in my inner circle whose goodwill I care about and even they are subjected to rants and horribly pointed and venomous retorts. Eventually, unless the person is extremely patient or gods forbid, genuinely likes me, I will drive them away.
Sometimes just because I can’t conceive of someone actually liking me, I’ll metaphorically shove the knife in. I won’t realize it consciously until later but subconsciously I knew what I was doing. And nine times out of ten I’m not sorry. Sure I lament the results, but what I said is true, if stated in the most hurtful way possible, and my ego and ethics won’t let me apologize for something I see as truth. I could go on and on. Welcome to my brain.

6 thoughts on “Asshole

  1. pelgris October 18, 2015 / 10:13 pm

    I’m not this guy anymore. A little less than a year and a half, and I’ve changed enough to not be him. Something to be happy about.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jas March 14, 2016 / 8:43 pm

    ohh boyy do I know thiss, ooh happy youre not him anymore( and I swear I’m not a stalker)

    Liked by 1 person

      • Jas March 14, 2016 / 8:46 pm

        Haha sweeet because i do have some stalker tendencies.. can become quite obsessive 😉.. dont worry i wont like everythingg even though i really want it..actually no promises lol

        Liked by 1 person

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