No kill animal shelters are liars. They say no kill because they catagorize their killing. To them, killing is done just because. But euthanasia is done if the quality of life of the cat would be low.
In your head, you might be thinking, well if the animal is dying then maybe its necessary. Maybe.
But that’s not the only circumstance that they ‘euthanize’. They do so also if they feel it would be hard to get the animal adopted. How do I know? Well here’s a heartbreaking story.
A few years ago my mom, who loves all animals and kitties and doggos especially, found a small litter of kittens without their mother. The mother cat did not come back. So she took the 3 kittens in. She hand fed them for a couple of days but was unable to find them homes and had 3 cats of her own. She was full up. So she found a no kill shelter. In this case the Arizona Humane Society.
She took them and they cooed and awed over the kitties. After 2 days, she decided she could make room for the kitties and went back. 1 had been adopted. 2 had been killed.
For what reason? Terminal illness? No. Because they were black. Black cats are killed. Its their policy. Black cats are harder to adopt. So they murdered 2 innocent kittens.
No kill is a lie that they tell themselves to assuage their guilt over their actual actions.
trigger warning
My nightmare, my hell
Just woke up from a nightmare, my kind of nightmare, no maniacs or feelings of dread or anything. I have tripwires are the best way to describe it that will wake me to lucid dreaming if those happen.
This was at a vast mansion party. It was filled with debauchery which I’m normally fine with but there was a pervasive understanding that the people were being forced to participate. There were women wearing heavy chain collars described as soul mates of the person they were with who were forced to perform sexual acts on people other than their desire at the urging of their so called mates and both had hollow eyes empty of desire and this element of silent pleading.
All around broken people perverted love to satisfy physical lust. There was no passion or desire just the physical moment of release without any emotional connection. Anyone in one of the heavy chain collars was meat for the feast. These were all the so-called soul mates of others who had enslaved them and destroyed their will to the point where this was accepted. But there was no joy in it.
This is what the general public views BDSM as. This breaking of the will and using of others for pure physical release. And it is a perversion of all that I’ve enjoyed in the lifestyle. Of everything that I am.
There was no love there. No joy. No pleasure. No consent. Just destruction of sacred bonds and me, a ghost at the feast.
I couldn’t act. Couldn’t stop it, couldn’t twist the dream. I was awake enough to remember. Awake enough to be aware but not awake enough even to save those people.
It was a nightmare. To me, a living hell. A perversion of everything I’ve ever stood for or tried to convey. Sex disguised as love and rotting at the root of those involved. Destroying their ability to see and love. To see love as something other than this fear and destruction. And any that break free of this, few as there was the sense that the only freedom offered was death, there was only isolation and despair. The bedrock belief that none could love them after this experience.
It was a nightmare of epic proportion to me. I wish I could say that I woke of my own volition. But it felt like I was released.
Now, I want to find that dreamscape lucid and burn it down. Even as a dreamscape it is fundamentally wrong. And I can’t allow it to exist. Which may sound like madness. But I’m a dream walker. And it may be madness but, sadly, that doesn’t make it less real.
I have to confront the dream to make myself sane. To not allow the fear of that place win.
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Heart of Stone
In honor of October:
Groggy, a man blinks the sleep from his eyes. His eyelids are heavy, so heavy, like lifting a dumbbell with pinkies. Bright light sears corneas, squinting, he tries to lift his hands to shield his eyes. His arms! They’re tied down. Looking down the length of his body he sees his hand are restrained in padded cuffs. His shirt is cut open, explaining the chill. This circle of bright light hides the the rest of what feels like a large area. A orange ember flares in the darkness beyond the lights circle.
“Who’s there!, ” the man shouts.
A low voice from the shadows rumbles, “Good, I was afraid I’d get the dose wrong.”
A face thrust itself from behind the top of the Man’s skull. It smiles and giggles. It’s the girl from last night!
“Get me out of here, you stupid cunt, ” the man yells.
” Now, now, “the voice from the shadows rumbles, ” we mustn’t be impolite. Not when she brings us such a unique gift.”
A tall person steps from the shadows, takes the last drag on their cigarette, then stubs it out on the left nipple of the man.
Screams echo out, slamming and reverbing from walls designed to dampen sound.
The person waits. Waits for the Screams to degenerate to sobs.
“Now, the young lady tells me very bad things about you. Let me whisper it in your ear. Young ladies shouldn’t need to hear such things. ”
Leaning down, the person whispers, “You raped her. She pleaded, begged you to stop. But you took and took. She tells me, you are a monster.”
Standing, smiling down at the man, the person cheerfully says, “She tells me you have a Heart of Stone. That is very interesting. I happen to need a Heart of Stone, for my work. ”
“Now, young lady, bring me the bolt cutters, then scury off. No need to get blood all over you, it’s so hard to get out of clothing.” Aside, almost to their selves, “But we must wear clothing, civilization demands it.”
The man pleads, “I have money, you can have it, just let me go, please… Please.”
The person waits for the outer door to slam shut.
” All good and proper, now we are alone. What was it you were saying ” the person cocks their head to the side, like they are listening to someone, ” money?”
“Thank you, that is a generous offer ”
Hope rises in the man, thinking, Money, money will get me out. “Get me to a computer and I’ll wire you it all, just let me go…”
“So generous, but this Heart of Stone, that seems more interesting. ”
” Oh, don’t scream. You so generously offered a gift, so I’ll give you one. I’ll keep you awake and we’ll see it together. I promise, you won’t miss a thing.”
The man Screams as the scalpel parts the flesh of his chest, causing the blood bags forcing new blood in to replace the loss, to dance. But the persons hand is steady.
“See, we just pull back the skin and seperate the muscle… I’m so happy your voice gave out. Don’t worry, bones don’t have any nerve endings, I don’t think anyway. A few quick snaps and we’ll see the heart. ”
The sharp crack as the bolt cutters snap through each rib fills the warehouse.
” There now, the reveal, always so exciting. ” The person lifts the rib cage cutting away connective tissue.
” Oh… ” The person frowns, dejected.
Lifting the heart out of the man’s chest, showing it to him as the last light of consciousness fades. ” See, just flesh, Oh well… ” The person tosses the heart over their shoulder where it lands with a soggy plop. “Win some, lose some…”
The body sits in the middle of the warehouse, staring sightless into the harsh light, the strains of singing coming lightly on the air.
Softly singing, “I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts, fiddly dee…” fades into the darkness.
Pelgris 