I’m afraid
afraid that in exposing a personal truth I am in fact exposing those I wish to protect
relationships I wish to safeguard.
Do I write it out of ego
self sabotage or bravery
perhaps bound and determined to spin out
I am tearing myself apart again
She safeguards herself but it’s too late for me
do I now destroy all else in some reckless attempt to win back what was never mine
each time is a roll of loaded dice with Leonard Cohen
one more bet
one more spin of the wheel
this time
this time it’ll be different.