You could think of this as an audio back and forth between myself and a lost love.  It’s something I made a few years ago to expiate some lingering emotions. Music helps me work things through.  I listen to it at least once a year and find myself reflecting on different things each time. 

As far as I know the playlist is public.  Let me know if there are issues.

I drove in the teeth of a dust storm yesterday.  If you have never been in one, imagine a hurricane in the hours before landfall except the sky is black like a moonless night during a power outage.  Visibility is maybe 50 feet,  and that filled with dust with the granularity of sand,  debris from untended palm trees,  and basically anything under 3 lbs(1.4 kg).  The wind is howling around you, dancing in frenetic madness like maenads at a bacchanal (or ravers on a mix of molly and bath salts).  Around me people drive slowly, afraid.  But I am ecstatic.  The first storm after the death of summer, the first storm of winter’s ascension.  A violent storm.  A powerful, drunken, awe-ful storm.  It’s going to be a good year.

You
See me in the night
And
Judge me not one of you
I tell you this now to save you some time
Though I am now of the night,
I was not always such. 
To darker things I was called
For me, emergence into stars,  moon,  and caul,  was into light. 

There is No “The One”.  And the fact that people believe that there is only one True love; One person they are meant to be with,  is a disservice to love.  Love each person you are with, with everything you are,  or else why bother.

I think my writing and attitudes may paint me as a broken person.  And truth to tell I am. Broken by a death that shattered me to peices. There was a time that I submerged myself in pain and pleasure hoping to blot out her memory.  When that failed, I closed all doors to emotion and lived in the logic and darker things that no door could hold. That numbness tainted everything I did, but in the end it allowed me to heal enough that I could come out of that remorseless light.  The hole that had cored me through now had a bottom. And I began to fill it with witnessed beauty, then back to the poetry of my youth,  thence to writing songs. And finally to this blog. And every day I fill up the hole with a little more creation.  And everyday the remorse and regret burn out the hole.  But some ash is left;  And little by little the hole is filling. In honesty, I am afraid.  I’ve been broken for so long now that I can no longer remember what is was like to be whole,  if I ever was.

I cast my words out wide
Dandelion seeds on the wind
Looking for fallow ground
Hoping someone will find them
Hoping they will nurture them

All my shattered choices, grief, pain and pleasure
Giving voice
Not one voice in the wilderness
A chorus, singing triumphantly
Arms raised feeling the warmth of the sun
The bite of the wind
One hundred percent alive
One moment of clarity

I see them in your orbit
Spinning and unique
Each in their specialty
Providing laughter
An echo of self
Or validation
They dance in close
Back and out again

The tension keeps them spinning
Planetary bodies looking down
Stable orbits in the friendzone

So this is to be a beginning.  Rants and poetry. Three times a week,  Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  And so it starts.