I have not been an Active participant in BDSM for about a year and a half. I identify as a Switch. For me that means rope play and pain but no humiliation, in a Submissive role. As a Top, I hesitate to say Master, I am proficient. I don’t consider myself to be the best, probably far from it.
Tools and other accouterments, I’ve used and have preferences. I prefer a paddle to a strap or open hand. They all have their place but we’re talking my preferences here. I prefer ball to ring gags, though there is something to be said for rolled up panties. I’ll use a flogger if my sub prefers it but I prefer a quirt. It’s easier to control and allows for a range of strike strengths. My rope work is simplistic, nowhere near shibari and any play partner should either get that elsewhere or be prepared for slow going.
Safety is my watchword. I won’t use a single strand whip of any kind. Impresicion is too likely and heavy damage is possible. Perhaps, only if under another skilled Tops tutelage but I’m leary. I prefer a clear definition between normal and scene at least at first. I’m willing to revisit the subject the deeper in we are but it is a concern.
I will take on couples but only if I’m topping one or the other or both. I would need to trust another Top to work with them. That takes time. For couples I prefer that the spouse be there for the session. I prefer that we talk for several hours at least, and that is per session at least at first, about what you as a sub wants and need. I prefer the Green, Yellow, Red paradigm for safety but will consider a safeword.
I expect to make mistakes, I expect us to talk about and through those mistakes. I wish I could provide references but I cannot. Eric was my last real contact and he is not available. The last person I topped was part of a couple and is why I prefer the spouse/significant other to be present. Their partner knew I was topping them but I think they didn’t realize how emotionally involving that can become and weren’t prepared for the potential fallout. A case of someone being accommodating to their partners needs but not realizing to the extent that those needs were intertwined with who they were. It was a whole thing.
I prefer what I call Orders to humiliation. I’ve never been good at humiliation. Morgan tried to teach me but it wasn’t her thing, it wasn’t my thing so we sort of just dropped it. So telling you to do things and punishment for failure and rewards for success.
I prefer to discuss potential scenes ahead of time. What is desired from those scenes. I prefer they start from a common place and branch off from there. I like to have the flexibility to change it up as the scene progresses. Taking it gentler or harder as the scene demands.
Some scenes I’m willing to engage in in public but I prefer either experienced people watching or privacy. Being watched can heighten the experience but like someone standing at your shoulder while you type you can make mistakes and where it concerns someone’s body I prefer caution. Which brings me to edge play. Air deprevation and flechettes are the only methods I’m comfortable with. For either I will want a spotter. I prefer a nurse but I know that’s a tall order. Taking it slow and knowing your body will increase my comfort level but I’ve never engaged in edge play with someone I was not dating.
There is a lot more I could say, but I think I’ve covered the highlights.
Pelgris 