I get hurt so badly from relationships because of a realization. The realization that the only way to allow for a potential beyond friends is to throw the doors open wide and allow them in from the word go. So, someone I’m interested in romantically, effectively holds a dagger to my heart. They cut the line, as it were, and get all of me. Which means when it goes south they do significant damage. I compartmentalize so I may seem fine but my inner world is trashed, chaotic and emotions can sweep through like a tsunami.
Friends, friends is different. That is a slow process as I come to know them and what aspects of my life and personality that I can safely share. So when someone I’m interested in romantically says let’s be friends and see where it goes, I can nearly instantly know it’s not going to work out. I can’t think of anyone who may be interested in a romantic relationship deferring that relationship for possibly years.
For many people, friendship is casual. Not for me. What most consider friends, I consider to be Associated. And associated at the lowest level at that. Most people who I like but don’t interact with often fall into this category. There are few who make their way past that point. But those that do become very important. I trust them. And by and large, I don’t trust anyone, not fully.
So, there you have it. If you want to be my friend, settle in. Be yourself. But know, it may never happen. If you want to get into a intimate relationship with me, sometime before several years have past, don’t take the “let’s be friends and see what happens” path. It won’t go like you think.
Pelgris 