I’m still in love with her. I know she doesn’t want me. Just wants friends. But I can’t be friends like that. All intimate and sharing, without love? I can’t do it. It doesn’t seem like I was wrong. Every time I escalated the intimacy, I checked with her. (it’s the Bdsm caution) Each time she liked what I was doing. Didn’t want me to stop. It wasn’t physical. She wasn’t ready for long-term physical relationship. Various reasons, reasoning I concur with. I don’t want her once. I want her all the time. And if that took time to develop, I was/am willing to give her the time. I still love her. I’m not allowed to say it. I still love her. I’m not allowed to show it.
I’ve known love but not like this. Not where her mere presence makes me and the world better. Not where I want to roll around in the sound of her voice like a cat with catnip. I’ve never fallen this hard.
I’m picking up the pieces. I expect to be doing that for some time. And I still can’t help hoping.
Pelgris 