think…and I’m falling loop by loop
contrails in a clear blue sky
spiraling down
it’s not the ground I’m afraid of, its the fall
the ground I’d almost welcome, the sudden stop then nothing
but I still hope for a place to stand
I sound suicidal, I know. And I’d be lying if I said there were days when I wonder, what it would be like to just leap, make the decision and stop. I wish I could say “but hope pulls me back”. But it’s not hope. It’s fear. Fear of the pain, fear that I’ll miss or that I’ll be crippled, but most of all that I’ll set the pieces in motion and after it’s too late to stop, when it’s all but a fait accompli, I will find someone, we’ll find each other, and it’ll all just click. That’s the fear that keeps me going. I wish I could say it’s my love of beauty or strength of character but in truth, it’s fear. And I wonder, how many of us are feeling that same fear, how many of us are falling through our lives, looking for a place to stand.
Pelgris 