When I was younger, I once got in trouble for writing a sentence that used the word regret properly. The sentence? I have no regrets.
I suppose the teacher was having a bad day.
Well, I’m older now and I have a few regrets. If you’ve read this blog then you know a few of them. If you haven’t, well why not? There is some good stuff in there. *grins*
But seriously, there is one thing my mind travels back to. I was at PAX Prime a few years back. I was standing in line to get the swag bag that they were assembling up front. It was the longest line I’d ever stood in. And it was moving forward just enough to not allow people to play games or otherwise entertain themselves. It was grueling, dehumanizing and was for a bunch of nonsense frippery that ended up thrown out. It was hot in the queue line. Packed and my feet were killing me. And I had with me a print of a Jim Darkmagic painting. Which now hangs in my closet, so you know it was a good purchase. It was unwieldy and I wanted nothing more than to not be in the line. But we were halfway in, so I stayed.
Then, I saw something heartbreaking. Towards the front of one of the rows, a person was sitting on the floor crying. Lost and alone in a sea of humanity. People were avoiding her. There was 3 foot circle around her. I don’t know what had happened. But I know what didn’t. In this mass of a so called compassionate gamer community, here was someone truly hurting. I didn’t help her. My instinct said to help. My intuiton said to help. My heart was breaking for this person. But I did nothing. And that I truly regret. I don’t know if there was anything I could do. But I could have been there. Available and human. Even now, years later, it wrentches me. A terrible grief. I doubt that person will read this, but let me say I am truly, deeply sorry. If I could, I would change my actions. I can only promise, that you would not sit alone now.
“Regret is a dull and rusted blade, that covers me in scars that never fade. ”
-Assemblage 23
Sometimes scars are the visible reminder of who you were and must never be again.
Pelgris 