I was joyous in my ignorance
Joyous in my lack
Till, all unbidden, words were whispered
Words that I rejected
Words I wish I was fool enough to disregard
Now I am uncertain and my heart aches
Thinking and grinding over what was said and not
Strange to envy the oblivious
I who embraces enlightenment
The only thing to do is wait.
I who always has a plan, a contingency, is reduced to waiting,
Coincidentally cruel juxtaposition of my pagan name, if only I was less aware of the irony

 

Note: the emotions in this were real but based on a fallacy.  I made a fledgling mistake. Given how long it’s been since I’ve had a standard date, I guess I should have anticipated this. This was no fault of the woman I was courting, for want of a better term, this all happened inside my own skull.